


Her Scottish Roots (Cruel to Be Kind)

by aimée (annebenedicte)



Series: Cruel to be Kind [2]
Category: Holby City
Genre: Angst, F/F, Light BDSM, Light Dom/sub, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 05:29:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14730849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annebenedicte/pseuds/aim%C3%A9e
Summary: Once again Bernie and Serena disagree  and settle their difference according to their agreement - or they try anyway





	1. Too tired

« Bernie ? Are you all right ?  
\- What ? Yes …Yes, I’m fine.”   
Bernie lifted her head from her hands and straightened her back, smiling wearily at Serena: “Just a little tired – six hours on a gunshot victim.   
\- Did he make it?   
\- Yes, he did.  
\- Good! Why don’t you go home and get a rest then?   
\- I can’t – Raf went off about half an hour ago, and the red phone could ring at any minute.  
\- Well, I’m here.  
\- I know – but you can’t do everything – it wouldn’t be fair…”   
They would have gone on arguing, but the said phone rang and they both jumped up. Indeed, Serena couldn’t have coped all by herself – four victims of a car accident came in a few minutes later, and two of them needed urgent surgery. The two consultants each took command of a theatre, and Bernie rubbed her eyes tiredly before donning her mask and gloves. When she saw the gravity of the wound, she sighed – she was in at least for four more hours.   
Serena managed to repair her patient’s torn aortic artery in record time, and went back to her office. Two hours passed, and there was still no sign of Bernie. Finally, Fletch informed her that the gunshot victim had suddenly developed complications, and that Bernie was back in theatre with him. Serena calculated that she must have gone straight from the traffic accident victim to her previous patient. When she arrived at the theatre, one of the nurses was just getting out to get more blood. She told Serena the patient had arrested three times during that new surgery, and added “Ms Wolfe won’t let him go though- seems a bit futile if you ask me.”  
“But no one’s asking you, Nurse, so please just do your job and refrain from commenting,” answered Serena sharply. She knew all too well how dedicated her partner was – and how much she would neglect herself and prioritise her patients. As one of the doctors was coming out, she asked him for an update on the patient – apparently the nurse was right, Bernie had been battling the odds for several hours, but there could be no happy outcome. Serena decided to step in and spoke into the mike: “Ms Wolfe – can you come out for a minute please?”  
When she answered, Bernie sounded definitely cross: “Can’t you see I’m busy?  
\- I can see that – well, I’m sorry, but I have to insist – Ms Wolfe, I would like you to stop and step out please – your patient has now been out for thirty minutes, you have to call it.  
\- I don’t.  
\- Ms Wolfe – in Mr Hanssen’s absence, I am in charge – this is not a request – this is an order.” Serena hated to treat Bernie like this in front of the surgical team, but she could see no other way. She had to wait a full fifteen minutes before her partner came out of the theatre, and glared furiously at her : “How dare you speak to me like this?  
\- I dare because right now, I’m your superior, Ms Wolfe. Would you like to discuss this further in the office?  
\- The hell I would!” And Bernie stalked away, throwing her mask and gown out on the floor.   
She knew Serena wouldn’t let the matter go, so she couldn’t go back to their office. She found refuge in the locker room, where she sat down heavily on the bench and put her head in her hands. She would never get used to losing a patient – never; it never got any easier, especially when the deceased was young. She knew she’d done her best, but … She realised she was shaking. Her head pounded, and she felt a little nauseous.   
When Serena found her, Bernie was almost curled up on the bench, shaking. Serena felt herself soften, but she steeled herself to chastise her partner.   
“Bernie?”  
The other woman didn’t look up.  
“Berenice ? Look at me, please.”  
The hazel eyes which focused on Serena’s were red-rimmed and underlined by deep dark shadows.   
“How long since you’ve had anything to eat or drink?”  
Still no answer from Bernie. Serena went on : “By my calculations, you’ve been operating for more than fifteen hours straight, without a break – which is not only totally against hospital policies but bloody stupid! What are you waiting for? Do you really want to pass out in theatre? And you were on call last night too, which means you haven’t slept for what? Three days straight? Do you realise how irresponsible this is?”  
“Wouldn’t be the first time” murmured Bernie sulkily.   
“Maybe – but there’s no way I’m going to let you neglect yourself like that – and you know it.”  
Bernie lowered her eyes again. She knew that Serena was right – she wasn’t in med school anymore, or during her first tours, when she’d been young and reckless. She ought to know better. She just wasn’t used to having someone worry about her. Marcus hadn’t known what she did, and Alex …well, they were both hotheads, and they were both in the same boat …or more accurately, in the same war zone. She was well aware that working when you were overtired led to mistakes, but something in her always wanted to earn her stripes, to show she was up to the job. Too many people had told her she would never amount to anything – it was hard to forget… Her father’s harsh words …the English teacher at school …She brushed her face with her hand, as if she could wipe out the memories. Serena’s voice brought her back to the present: “You need to eat, and you need to sleep. Now. I don’t have time to take you home, and you’re in no fit state to drive, but there’s a free on-call room. You’re going to rest. Then we’ll have a little …talk.”   
Bernie swallowed audibly – she knew all too well what the “talk” would entail, especially with Serena in that kind of mood…She was so tired, however, that she couldn’t argue – she wouldn’t risk falling asleep at the wheel. So she rose and followed Serena meekly to the on-call room, where she didn’t even bother to undress. When Serena came back a quarter of an hour later with a sandwich and coffee, Bernie was already fast asleep. She put the sandwich on the bedside table and went back to her office.   
Bernie woke up four hours later, feeling both rumpled and refreshed. She looked at her shirt and grimaced – she ought to go home and change, really, but she also ought to go back to work. She would grab a shower and fresh scrubs, it would do for the day. She left the now cold coffee but managed a few bites of the sandwich. When she was overtired, she had no appetite, and she ate only to keep her strength up. She glanced in the mirror. The deep shadows still underlined her eyes, and fatigue lines were etched in her face. She took a deep breath and headed for the shower. At least she could freshen up a little before going to see Serena.   
Bernie repaired her make-up as best as she could – she never brought a full kit to the hospital – there hadn’t been much call for eyeshadow and rouge on the battlefield. She went heavy on the concealer, well aware that Serena would see through the war paint – sometimes she actually thought Serena could see straight into her soul…  
When she arrived in their shared office, she found a note propped up a chocolate muffin: “I’m sure you won’t have eaten the sandwich, but you won’t resist chocolate. I’ve arranged your schedule so you can get off early. I forbid you to work late tonight. I’ll see you this evening at home – don’t think I’ve forgotten we need to have a chat. Serena xx.” Bernie sighed – as if she could forget …But Serena was right – she could never resist sugar – she almost inhaled the muffin while switching her computer on and looking at her day’s schedule.   
Her weariness didn’t disappear, however, and after her second operation of the day, she almost stumbled out of theatre – if Raf hadn’t been there to catch her, she would have fallen. Unluckily for her, the next person Raf saw was Serena, and he didn’t resist a little dig: “I don’t know what you and Bernie do at night, but you need to calm it down - she looks like the walking dead.” The icy glance Serena gave him made him stop right there and there. She had calmed down a little, but the remark reminded her all over again that Bernie really didn’t care about her own health and well-being. She sighed – she didn’t like what she had to do, but …


	2. Chapter 2

Serena managed to clock off at 8.00 pm – not too late for once – and as she couldn’t see Bernie’s car in the car park, she hoped her partner had gone home. Only when she saw the house in darkness did she realise that it had been wishful thinking on her part. When Bernie quietly shut the front door behind her at 11.00, Serena was waiting for her on the sofa, idly watching a series on tv. Bernie evaluated her chances of skulking past her directly in the bedroom, but even before she heard Serena’s “Come here, Berenice.”, she already knew it was hopeless.   
“What time do you call this?  
\- Err …11.00 ? Wine hour?  
\- Don’t try that with me, Major – it’s been a long day for me too. I made your schedule, and I know you didn’t have anything planned after 6.00 pm. And Mr Schwartz and Dr Digby were on guard tonight….”  
Bernie just stood there, biting her lips…” Well, you know how it is – there was an emergency, and …  
\- And of course you had to step in and save the day. You couldn’t possibly let someone else operate?   
\- Well…I could have, but …  
\- But you thought you’d do a better job, even after – what is it – four sleepless nights? When I’d expressly forbidden you to?”  
Bernie hung her head – she knew she was in the wrong – a most uncomfortable feeling. And she sensed she would get even more uncomfortable very soon.  
“Answer me, Berenice.  
\- Yes…  
\- So you disobeyed a direct order from your superior?”  
Bernie couldn’t answer. Of course, they were normally equals, but as Serena was acting CEO in Hanssen’s absence, she was indeed her superior. It reminded her too much of other times …with her father, with some of her commanding officers. It didn’t help that in the heat of the situation, she usually thought she was right – she was still disobeying orders, and others took a very dim view of that. Facing Serena should be easier, but her body had never responded quite like it did with her …She could control her mind, but not the sensation between her legs…  
“You know what happens to people who disobey orders, Major?”  
Bernie nodded, still not looking at Serena.   
“Tell me, Major.”   
“They …they get punished.”  
“That’s right – and didn’t I tell you it was unacceptable to neglect yourself like you’re doing? Look at me!”   
Serena’s words lashed into her, and the hazel eyes Bernie focused on her partner were brimming with tears. Serena almost softened, but the exhausted expression on Bernie’s face hardened her resolve: “Answer me, Major.  
\- Yes, Ms Campbell, you did.  
\- So why do you ignore me? Rules are there for a reason, you know. In this instance, they’re here to protect you! Do you agree?   
\- Yes …”  
Serena glared at her. Bernie swallowed audibly: “I’m sorry – Yes, Ma’am.” This was becoming unbearable…  
“Pull yourself together, Major – I haven’t finished with you yet. So why did you do it then? Why didn’t you listen?”   
If it wasn’t for that burning, almost achy sensation in her lower belly …she wanted to …she needed to …but that was against the rules too.   
“Major?”  
“I don’t know, Ma’am – I’m sorry.”   
“I don’t think you’re really sorry, Major – we have to do something about that, don’t we? About that bloody stubbornness of yours?”  
The more Serena berated her partner , the angrier she became all over again – she took a deep breath, trying to rein in her irritation – she couldn’t do it in anger – she had to remain in control.   
“Don’t we, Major?”  
Each time Serena uttered her rank was a slap in the face. The word still had power over her – the sound of authority, the sound of her power and her surrender.   
“Yes Ma’am.”   
“Take those trousers off – now!”   
Bernie slowly undid the buttons of her jeans, as she had already done several times that day. Only this time she wouldn’t be putting on scrubs instead. She pulled them off and stood half-naked in front of Serena, eyes pleading.   
“Stay here.”   
Serena got up and left the room, and Bernie’s eyes followed her apprehensively. She would have given anything to take the last two days back …or …would she? She forgot the rules and sank down on the sofa. She jumped up when Serena came back into the room, but the steely glint in Serena’s eyes told her the transgression wouldn’t be forgotten. She glanced at what Serena held in her hands, and immediately wished she hadn’t. She could remember the last time, and …  
“I thought I told you to stay, Berenice?” murmured Serena as she sat back down. “Very well – you can ask me for what you need on your knees – I’d hoped we could avoid that, but …”  
Bernie sank slowly to her knees in front of her partner. Her shirt strained on her breasts, and she bent her head to avoid Serena’s eyes, focusing on the floor instead. She tried very hard to forget what her body was telling her to do, knowing it wasn’t allowed – not yet – she had to atone first.   
“Please, Serena…”  
“Please what?” She was going to make her beg – she hated that, and yet …she would do it, of course.   
“Please – please punish me, Ma’am.” That wasn’t what she wanted to say – “Please let’s go to bed – please let me come – please just forget it and let’s just have sex…” would be better alternatives, and yet part of her craved what came with chastisement - the pain and the forgiveness.   
Bernie felt Serena’s fingers on hers and instinctively raised her hand to Serena’s inner legs, caressing them, fingers going up…  
“No, Berenice!” Of course it wouldn’t be that easy. “Hold up your hand!”  
It stung like hell – always did – and yet Serena was always careful not to use too much strength on the hands – a surgeon’s hands were too precious. This was just a warning. Serena imprisoned the reddening hand in hers once more, and caressed the palm with her thumb, raising it to her lips for a quick kiss. Then she cupped her other hand under Bernie’s chin and lifted her face to hers. Their eyes locked, and Bernie leant forward, seeking Serena’s lips, hoping against hope a kiss could seal forgiveness. Serena accepted the kiss, drawing for a second Bernie’s face towards hers so that their lips could meet hungrily, before pushing her back, releasing her chin. One glance at Serena’s eyes told Bernie she wouldn’t escape that easily, and she sat back on her knees, lowering her eyes, waiting for the next order.   
“Get up and bend over the sofa, Berenice.”   
Slowly, she stood up and went to assume the hated position. She kept her eyes down, hoping somehow that ignoring the implement in Serena’s hand would make it less painful. She lowered herself on the back of the sofa and closed her eyes. She heard Serena stand up and position herself between her. Once more Serena took Bernie’s hand in hers, and Bernie acknowledged the unspoken question by pressing Serena’s fingers with hers – she agreed to what was coming.   
The tawse ripped the air, and Bernie stifled a cry – she remembered when they’d bought it – looking over Serena’s shoulder as she was ordering it online, Bernie had joked about Serena “going back to her Scottish roots” …she should have distracted her from placing the order! Again and again the tawse fell and Bernie gritted her teeth – the pain and the throbbing in her lower belly merged and she could feel the moisture mounting between her legs. She tried to keep count but her whole being was bent on absorbing the lashes. A lower stroke hit harder, a tender area and she couldn’t keep herself from crying out. Another one fell nearly on the same spot and now she was sobbing. If they’d had a safe word, she would have used it, but they’d decided they trusted each other enough. A third one on that same area made her howl, and Bernie arched her back before slumping down again like a rag doll.   
Never in anger or you might overstep your lover’s limits …This was why Serena had tried to calm herself down before …Why she was sometimes reluctant to use an implement. However, her anger had risen again, to the point that it almost blinded her. Only when she heard her lover scream did she suddenly realise what she had done. The last strokes had drawn blood, and Serena’s heart broke when she saw the pain Bernie was in. She threw the tawse across the room and took Bernie in her arms, guiding her towards the sofa cushions. She caressed her hair and her face but Bernie couldn’t stop weeping. Atonement had been achieved, but its price had broken her. She burrowed deeper into Serena’s arms, and laid her head on Serena’s shoulder. When Serena tried to kiss her, however, she turned away. She couldn’t – not just yet. When she got up and Serena tried to follow her, Bernie shook her head silently and headed towards the bathroom. When she got out after a long shower, Serena looked at her pleadingly, but Bernie went to the spare room and closed the door.   
It had all gone terribly wrong – tossing and turning alone in their bed, Serena remained widely awake. Finally she couldn’t stand it anymore – she got up and went to the spare room. She opened the door quietly and stood there watching. Bernie had fallen asleep, exhaustion overcoming her at last. She hadn’t even bother with the duvet which was still folded on the floor next to the bed. She looked like a little girl, all curled up in the double bed with her blonde hair all over her face, fists clenched in unconscious defence against nightmares. Only her exposed skin, welted and bruised, marred the picture, the incongruous reminder of what had happened. Serena felt the tears rise and she swallowed hurriedly several times. She unfolded the duvet and gently draped it over Bernie before slipping under it next to her.   
When the alarm clock in the main bedroom woke them up, they had entwined during the night and Bernie’s arms were around Serena. During the few stolen moments from their work day, their lovemaking that morning was tender and full of unspoken words and promises. In the evening, when Serena apologised over and over again, Bernie went down on her knees once more and took her lover’s hands in hers : “Serena – I know – I understand, my love; I forgive you, and I hope you’ll forgive me too. I’ll try to do better – try to take care of myself better – I don’t want you to worry about me. I …need you – I don’t want to feel alone ever again – I don’t think I could bear it if you left me.” She leant over and placed a tender kiss on Serena’s lips …The spare room bed that night was left undisturbed….


End file.
